tcha
09/27/10, 08:16 PM
When Brian and Sarah began dating, her friends were envious. Brian was smart, sensitive, funny, athletic, and good-looking.
For the first couple of months, Sarah seemed happy. She started to miss her friends and family, though, because she was spending more time with Brian and less time with everyone else. That seemed easier than dealing with Brian's endless questions. He worried about what she was doing at every moment of the day.
Sarah's friends became concerned when her behavior started to change. She lost interest in the things she once enjoyed, like swim meets and going to the mall. She became secretive and moody. When her friends asked if she was having trouble with Brian, she denied that anything was wrong.
Healthy relationships involve respect, trust, and consideration for the other person. Sadly, lots of relationships don't have these qualities — and many turn abusive. In fact, 1 in 11 high school students report being physically hurt by a date.
People in abusive relationships sometimes mistake the abuse for intense feelings of caring or concern. It can even seem flattering. Think of a friend whose boyfriend or girlfriend is insanely jealous: Maybe it seems like your friend's partner really cares. But actually, excessive jealousy and controlling behavior are not signs of affection at all. Love involves respect and trust; it doesn't mean constantly worrying about the possible end of the relationship
What Is Abuse?
Abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual. Slapping, hitting, and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur in both romances and friendships.
Emotional abuse (stuff like teasing, bullying, and humiliating others) can be difficult to recognize because it doesn't leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt — not just during the time it's happening, but long after too.
Sexual abuse can happen to anyone, guy or girl. It's never right to be forced into any type of sexual experience that you don't want.
The first step in getting out of an abusive relationship is to realize that you have the right to be treated with respect and not be physically or emotionally harmed by another person.
Signs of Abusive Relationships
Important warning signs that you may be involved in an abusive relationship include when someone:
harms you physically in any way, including slapping, pushing, grabbing, shaking, smacking, kicking, and punching
tries to control different aspects of your life, such as how you dress, who you hang out with, and what you say
frequently humiliates you or making you feel unworthy (for example, if a partner puts you down but tells you that he or she loves you)
coerces or threatens to harm you, or self-harm, if you leave the relationship
twists the truth to make you feel you are to blame for your partner's actions
demands to know where you are at all times
constantly becomes jealous or angry when you want to spend time with your friends
Unwanted sexual advances that make you uncomfortable are also red flags that the relationship needs to focus more on respect. When someone says stuff like "If you loved me, you would . . . " that's also a warning of possible abuse. A statement like this is controlling and is used by people who are only concerned about getting what they want — not caring about what you want. Trust your intuition. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
http://kidshealth.org
For the first couple of months, Sarah seemed happy. She started to miss her friends and family, though, because she was spending more time with Brian and less time with everyone else. That seemed easier than dealing with Brian's endless questions. He worried about what she was doing at every moment of the day.
Sarah's friends became concerned when her behavior started to change. She lost interest in the things she once enjoyed, like swim meets and going to the mall. She became secretive and moody. When her friends asked if she was having trouble with Brian, she denied that anything was wrong.
Healthy relationships involve respect, trust, and consideration for the other person. Sadly, lots of relationships don't have these qualities — and many turn abusive. In fact, 1 in 11 high school students report being physically hurt by a date.
People in abusive relationships sometimes mistake the abuse for intense feelings of caring or concern. It can even seem flattering. Think of a friend whose boyfriend or girlfriend is insanely jealous: Maybe it seems like your friend's partner really cares. But actually, excessive jealousy and controlling behavior are not signs of affection at all. Love involves respect and trust; it doesn't mean constantly worrying about the possible end of the relationship
What Is Abuse?
Abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual. Slapping, hitting, and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur in both romances and friendships.
Emotional abuse (stuff like teasing, bullying, and humiliating others) can be difficult to recognize because it doesn't leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt — not just during the time it's happening, but long after too.
Sexual abuse can happen to anyone, guy or girl. It's never right to be forced into any type of sexual experience that you don't want.
The first step in getting out of an abusive relationship is to realize that you have the right to be treated with respect and not be physically or emotionally harmed by another person.
Signs of Abusive Relationships
Important warning signs that you may be involved in an abusive relationship include when someone:
harms you physically in any way, including slapping, pushing, grabbing, shaking, smacking, kicking, and punching
tries to control different aspects of your life, such as how you dress, who you hang out with, and what you say
frequently humiliates you or making you feel unworthy (for example, if a partner puts you down but tells you that he or she loves you)
coerces or threatens to harm you, or self-harm, if you leave the relationship
twists the truth to make you feel you are to blame for your partner's actions
demands to know where you are at all times
constantly becomes jealous or angry when you want to spend time with your friends
Unwanted sexual advances that make you uncomfortable are also red flags that the relationship needs to focus more on respect. When someone says stuff like "If you loved me, you would . . . " that's also a warning of possible abuse. A statement like this is controlling and is used by people who are only concerned about getting what they want — not caring about what you want. Trust your intuition. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
http://kidshealth.org