A Short Dialogue

[patis]

"The wrathful thunder shouts at the rain vainly breaking into the house. Intermittent lightning illuminates the way for these thieves. Yet they cannot enter: the roof shields us from the heavy downpour, our walls are stout and the wind can not shatter them. We are holding effortlessly. Look at the clouds of our breaths -- they mock the cold, wet fangs of fury. You see, my dear, there is nothing to be afraid of."

"Mother, I am not afraid of the rain and lightning and thunder."

"Then why are you snuggling so hard?"

"I am hugging you. It's because you think nature is angry but weak. She is not angry, mother. You are."

Another work on the fly. Care to comment? Thanks!

[ctivnan]

Brilliant!!! Just brilliant, Patis! :DANCER: I love how vivid you've described the scenario... it's as though it's pouring rain here. The twist of the dialogue is surprising.

Just a question, why is nature angry but weak? Is there some kind of irony here?

[patis]

Brilliant!!! Just brilliant, Patis! :DANCER: I love how vivid you've described the scenario... it's as though it's pouring rain here. The twist of the dialogue is surprising.

Just a question, why is nature angry but weak? Is there some kind of irony here?

Thanks, ctivnan!

It's just like the child says: nature isn't angry, but the mother is. It could be her anger clouds her senses. And the innocent wisdom if her child saves her. I'm pretty sure there are more underlying themes here, I just can't point my finger at them right now. Perhaps if you and the readers are so kind to offer analysis and any other comments in general? Thanks!

[neyx]

Why would the mother be angry because of the storm? I wouldn't be if I were her. I wouldn't care less, it can be devastating but it still just a storm. It's an act of nature that we can't control. Maybe she's the one who's scared because she might not be able to save her son or scared of the thought that she might die on vice versa -that her son wouldn't be able to save her.

I'm sorry Patis but the mother being angry just doesn't make any sense for me.

It would be better instead of "I am hugging you. It's because you think nature is angry but weak. She is not angry, mother. You are."

You can say "I am hugging you. It's because you think nature is angry but weak. She is not angry, mother. But we both are weak."

[patis]

I'm sorry Patis but the mother being angry just doesn't make any sense for me.

It's alright. There are a lot of things that don't make sense. Like peanut butter.

[sbenosa]

I think the description's brilliant. That's your greatest strength, Patis. There is a pulse in your writing. Something I sometimes don't see even in published Filipino writers writing in English. It's even one of my weaknesses. I salute you for that.

As to whether this post makes sense or not, I think as it is... there is some great wisdom that the dialogue wants to impart... only perhaps, as neyx has pointed out, a change in word may be in order. Perhaps just one word, or a phrase. Don't know yet, but I'll try to think what may need to be done.

However, if you could give a hint that something happened prior to the conversation, this could completely make sense. Perhaps the mother is trying to mask her feelings by soothing her child, when in fact, deep inside, there is a storm brewing inside her, which the child feels by instinct.

I suggest you develop it. And do keep it for when you're ready to write full-length pieces. You might have a need for it.

Good luck.

PS. Will you be at the Anniversary EB?

[patis]

I think the description's brilliant. That's your greatest strength, Patis. There is a pulse in your writing. Something I sometimes don't see even in published Filipino writers writing in English. It's even one of my weaknesses. I salute you for that.

As to whether this post makes sense or not, I think as it is... there is some great wisdom that the dialogue wants to impart... only perhaps, as neyx has pointed out, a change in word may be in order. Perhaps just one word, or a phrase. Don't know yet, but I'll try to think what may need to be done.

However, if you could give a hint that something happened prior to the conversation, this could completely make sense. Perhaps the mother is trying to mask her feelings by soothing her child, when in fact, deep inside, there is a storm brewing inside her, which the child feels by instinct.

I suggest you develop it. And do keep it for when you're ready to write full-length pieces. You might have a need for it.

Good luck.

PS. Will you be at the Anniversary EB?


Thanks a lot, sbenosa! Should I give a hint, or should I not? That is the question. I was mentally debating with myself on that when I was writing it. We know who won. (Me.)

LOL But I will take that advice sbenosa. You are right, there is still something lacking. The answer is out there, or just right here. And the difference between there and here are two lines perpendicular to each other, one dramatically shorter than the other.

Perhaps in one, or in any combinations of the quadrants created by that symbol, lies that thing which I seek. Until then, I continue the search, and remain in gratitude for your help.

[sam_wel]

excellent!!

[jonyroger]

I think the brilliant description. This is its greatest strength, patis. There is a momentum in your writing. Something I do not see, even in the Philippines known authors writing in English. Even it is a weakness of mine.